When Parents Rewards Kids--Is This Considered Bribery?

When parents give their kids rewards for sleeping in their own beds, or for behaving themselves in public, is this type of reward really a bribe?

Behaving in public and sleeping in my own bed is something my own parents would have expected from me; however, these days kids are getting anything from treats to money for doing things that were once considered normal child behavior.

This new approach to child rearing has some experts feeling that parents have gone 'soft'.
Kirsten Whipple, a 35-year-old mom in Northbrook, Ill, said she feels her parents would be taken aback if they found out how much she bribes her children. Ms.Whipple also thinks this 'bribery' mindset is a sign of the times for her generation.

Ms.Whipple has also found out that 'rewards' work best on getting her children to accomplish small tasks such as behaving when the kids have a baby sitter or when celebrating a good report card.

Of course, as is often the case, there is also a downside to giving too many rewards. Kirsten goes on to say rewarding, or bribing if you like, kids too much may give these kids a "sense of entitlement". This "sense of entitlement" is what has experts really worried.

Marcy Safyer, director of the Adelphi University Institute for Parenting, says there is a time a place for everything, and that this philosophy also applies to parents giving out rewards to their kids. Ms.Safyer points out that she would receive ice cream as a reward for behaving properly during church services, but she also goes on to say that parents may have lost the ability to effectively communicate that doing the right thing should be enough of a reward.

Robin Lanzi, a clinical psychologist and mother of four who's the research director at the Center on Health and Education at Georgetown University, thinks it may be unrealistic to think parents should not give their children a reward every now and then. However, Ms.Lanzi also notes the reward must match the achievement. She feels that giving a Nintendo Wii does not necessarily match the achievement of a child scoring a goal or two during a soccer match.

I also think this 'bribery' system may be more of a risk/reward system created by parents because of the times we live in. When I was growing up, parents never thought of spanking or slapping your hand when you misbehaved. This 'hot-stove' technique seemed to work well, at least on me, because kids knew if they did something bad their butt or hand would be 'hot' afterwards.

Now if your kid now mentions they were spanked or had their wrists slapped; I can guarantee you a call from the school principal or day care manager will coming along with a warning that the parent could be hauled to jail as a child abuser.

I can recall onetime may son and I were playing catch outside and he tripped over a curve and fell on the sidewalk, and because of this he received a nasty bruise on his forearm. The next day when I brought him to day care, one of the employees noticed this bruise, and for the next 15 minutes I had to explain how my son received this bruise, and this resulted in me getting a lecture stating I would be reported to child services and the police if my son ever came to day care with another bruise on his body.

I also give credit for children being able to 'sense' what their parents will and will not do when it comes to disciplining them for their behavior. If a kid knows the worst that will probably happen is a parent screaming at them, sitting them in a corner, or sending them to their room if they act badly; this kid may decide to act bad just to see if a better alternative action or 'bribe' will come from the parent. Therefore, children have been able to develop negotiating skills to get things they want. If a child knows the worse that is going to happen is a 'time-out' in the corner, this gives the child a leg-up on negotiating with their parents.

I have also noticed that as kids get older it is much easier to negotiate with them because they probably know there is more to loose. When my kids were younger, I will readily admit to 'rewarding' them for good report cards. Now when one of my kids bring home a bad report card, all I do is remove their gaming system or portable dvd player. When my kids protest this action as unfair, I can calmly explain to them that without good grades they will not be able to afford the 'luxuries' in life like gaming systems and portable dvd players, because they will not be able to a good enough job with bad grades.

So far, this negotiating tactic seems to be working. However, I am waiting for my kids to develop a counter tactic, but on the bright side my kids may also be developing some critical thinking skills that will help them later in life.

Read more about 'bribing' kids at Yahoo News